We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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