Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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