the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
