Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
