I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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