you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
