I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
