I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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