i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
