What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
