she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
