New invention idea: vibrating tampons
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
