i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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