I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
