How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
