I'm lost and stupid without you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
