i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
