last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
