If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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