Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
