I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
