I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
