this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
