I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
