its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
