what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
