You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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