We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
