The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the raccoons are back...
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