this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
