You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
