Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
