no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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