She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This is the high leading the old right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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