I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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