These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
