If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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