What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
