Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
