belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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