you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
