dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
