White coat. Heels.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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