Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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