So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
