So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
