Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
