mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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