You're so nebulous sometimes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He has the fingertips of a God
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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