At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
