I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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