Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
